It Starts With You: Building Resiliency In Kids

We talk about resilience a lot—especially in therapy, parenting, and education.

We want the kids in our care to bounce back from stress, to manage big feelings, and to develop the tools to thrive in the face of challenge. But here’s the truth:

💡 Resilience isn’t just something we teach. It’s something we model.

Whether you're a therapist helping a child navigate communication barriers, or a parent supporting a child through daily routines and meltdowns, your example matters more than any strategy you’ll ever teach. The way we show up—regulated, reflective, and real—sets the tone for how safe, supported, and emotionally flexible a child feels in our presence. And that starts with how we handle our own emotions.

What Are We Really Modeling?

Let’s be honest. When we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or frustrated, it’s easy to fall into habits that look like:

• Avoiding hard conversations

• Numbing out with busyness

• Saying “I’m fine” when we’re anything but

• Shutting down or reacting instead of pausing

These are totally human responses—and they’re often signs of emotional bypassing - a protective response, sure, but not a sustainable one. And kids pick up on it. Our friends, family, and colleagues feel it. It leaks into how we show up.

So What Does Modeling Resilience Look Like?

It doesn’t mean being calm all the time.
It doesn’t mean being perfect.

It means showing up as someone who processes emotions—not avoids them.

It means:

• Naming your feelings, even if just to yourself (and guess what, we could all probably stand to learn some new vocabulary words!)

• Taking a breath instead of snapping back

• Repairing when we lose our cool

• Making time and space for emotions—even the hard ones

• Staying connected to your purpose, even on tough days

• Asking for support

Whether you’re in a therapy session or at the dinner table, these are the moments that teach kids emotional strength. When we practice emotional processing instead of bypassing, we don’t just avoid burnout—we actively teach kids what healthy emotional regulation looks like in real life.

Start With You

You can’t co-regulate if you’re dysregulated.
You can’t teach flexibility if you’re running on fumes.
You can’t build trust if you’re emotionally shut down.

Taking care of your own emotional health is the foundation of being a grounded, effective adult in a child’s life.

How to Start Modeling Resilience Today

1. Do a daily emotional check-in.
   Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” and “What do I need?”

2. Narrate your own regulation strategies.
   When you feel overwhelmed, say things like, “I’m going to take a deep breath before we talk,” or “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, so I need a quiet minute.”

3. Make space for emotional messiness.
   When a child struggles, try pausing before fixing. Let them know it’s okay to feel, and it’s safe to share.

4. Repair when needed.
   “I got frustrated earlier and I’m sorry I snapped. I’m working on that, too.” That kind of honesty builds trust faster than perfection ever could.

Remember This:

If you want the children in your care to:

• Be flexible under stress

• Communicate when something’s wrong

• Stay connected to others in hard moments

…they need to see what that actually looks like.

And that starts with you.

So the next time you’re coaching a client through a meltdown or guiding your own child through a big emotion, ask yourself:

Am I showing them how to move through it—or just telling them to?